Prayer of a Single Mother

Dear God,

As I kneel down to pray, my tears flow uncontrollably, God these children you gave me are so innocent and my life is so hard. I can remember the first time I held each of them in my arms and how scared I was. I was not ready for this challenge and I kept asking myself, why would you give me two babies, when I wasn’t supposed to have one? I brought them into an unstable home, hoping they would bring stability to it. But you know, they didn’t bring stability, only temporary happiness; happiness that was so superficial and transparent, everyone could see but me. My eyes were blind, all I chose to see, was this fantasy marriage, which only existed in my mind, because the real marriage died long before it  was ever consecrated. So now I am angry, not only with myself but with you God. Why did you allow me go into that situation and come out holding these two babies, walking into the home of my estranged father; how ironic is this. My life was hard, but now it was just became plain ridiculous. Helpless, desperate, turning to my father, a man, I barely knew and  thinking my husband, will rescue me from this spontaneous decision, because after all is said and done, he loves us right? I was broken hearted when my husband, the father of my children, the love of my life, did not come for us. The thought was hard to fathom and I struggled to comprehend the question why. Why would he not come for us? Why did he not love us enough? Why did this happen this way? I pictured this whole scenario a lot different in my head. In my mind, I was leaving, but my husband was going to be so hurt & despondent and he would come to the realization, that we were the best thing that ever happened to him. He was going to take the next flight to Florida and whisk us back home with him and our glorious marriage was going to be stronger than ever! Our home was going to be a family, but a real family this time. Unfortunately, that’s not quite what happened. I was left with the realization that I was doing this, this whole mother thing alone. It was a hard fact, one that I was not ready to accept.

My children did not make me strong at this point, I was weaker than them. My thoughts made for sleepless nights and I know God,  you tried to comfort me, but I was still angry. Listening to so many voices in and out of my head. God, you began to help me bring the pieces of my life together. You made me see, what I chose not to see and then the pieces of my life made sense and then another and another; when all the pieces where put together, the tears flowed because now I understood. I refused to allow my children make the same mistakes I made, so every ounce of my energy went into making them who I never was. I was driven by my anger, bitterness and self worthlessness; this was my mirror and this was who I could not let my children become. God, so many times, I would fall to my knees pleading for forgiveness from these children, who were too young to understand, what was truly going on. God, how confused these poor children must have been. I wiped my tears away and  I vowed to prove that I was better without him. He did not destroy me, if anything, he made me see how strong I could be. I needed him to do what he did, so God could show me, I was strong all along. Dependency put me in a shell, too scared to come out but God brought me out of that shell, to who I really am.

God, I chose not to see my past transgressions. I chose not to let my errors be my future. I chose not to let who I was, walk into who I am. I chose to walk in the forgiveness that you have given to me. My tears of sadness are now replaced with tears of joy. My kids have filled every void in my heart and in my life. My kids do not see the mistakes I have made, they do not see the sins I committed, they only see this strong mom, who loves them and takes care of them. Their innocent eyes see in me, who I could never see. My kids are my strength when I am weak. God, I pray that my children will walk in the path that you have set forth for them. God, when they fall off the path, and they will, help them to see that falling is part of the process and you’re right there, to bring them back. God, may their testimonies bring people to their knees, pleading with you to bring them into your kingdom. May my children be the generation to restore this fallen society. Raise a fire in them, that they will do unimaginable things for your kingdom. God, all of this because I was weak. I thank you for my weakness because it was in that moment, that you gave me a testimony and in that testimony, you gave me my greatest victory, my heart, my loves, my life, my TWINS. Thank you God, this is my prayer. Amen.

The Grace of God

Betsy’s Corner – The Grace of God
When I think about God’s grace, my heart is so humbled. Grace is what we get which we do not deserve. Do you truly understand how powerful that statement is? Imagine how many times we have turned our backs on God and the many sins we have committed, but yet an ever loving God, shows us his grace. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Because of the way God shows us his grace, we too should show the same to others. We, as human beings, are so quick to condemn one another. It is so hard for us to give grace but so easy for us to receive it, because we actually think we deserve it. We need to surrender our hearts to the things of God, because when we surrender, God can work in us and through us. I love where God says in His word in 2 Corinthians 12:9” But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Through the pains in my life, which make me weak, I can rest knowing that my God’s grace will be there for me and through it, He will be glorified.

Healing is a Process

Healing (literally meaning to make whole)  is the process of the restoration. The process of restoration can be a trying one. Reliving the pain of a divorce, loss of a child or something  devastating in your life, can leave scars , in which we feel, will never heal. Healing is not to forget what happened, but when you remember, the memory is bearable. If we want to be whole again, we must go through the process of  healing. The Bible says Psalm 34:18

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Part of this process, involves forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there is no healing. You cannot say you are healed and have un-forgiveness in your heart. Matthew 6: 14-15  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Healing can deliver you from the chains of bondage, which most cases, we have bound ourselves. God does not want us to be broken, He wants us to be whole. Through our healing and restoration, there is a testimony that someone needs to hear in order begin their process of healing. Live in obedience.

Being a Single Mom is Easy – Said No One Ever!

Being a single mom is easy, said no one ever! Being a single mom, has brought unexpected challenges, well, that were unexpected. There is no manual when you become a mom and even fewer instructions, when you become a single mom. I can’t imagine anyone planning to be a single mom, but, then again, you never know. I know I did not plan to be a single mom. I had my life mapped out so I thought. I had the big wedding, beautiful house and a good job, so what happened? I’d like to caulk this all up to bad decision-making. What I thought was right, never was right because I choose to be blind and in the end, I wound up hurt and my kids, well they get to grow up without a father.

Great! So plan B, but wait, I don’t have a plan B, because I did not think I would need a plan B, because plan A, wasn’t supposed to go South. Everything I held dearly was gone and now I am looking into the eyes of these babies, that are looking for me to take care of them and I can’t get past this pain in my heart. The only logical thing to do was to panic! My thoughts were everywhere. I’ve never had to support myself, pay rent, light, phone, buy groceries, I can’t do this! I freaked out! But I have to because the kids, they need me, they are looking for me to take care of them, God, I really wish they would stop looking at me! Knowing how to use my resources really helped me. Resources, such as family, friends and public assistance, just until I got back on my feet. Ugh, I felt like a welfare case, but one of the best things I could do, was to accept help whenever it was available and not feel guilty about it.

As I move forward from my decisions, which have caused me to be where I am in my life today, I try not to dwell on things that I cannot change. My mind is a battlefield and sometimes, I lose the battle within myself. Each day is a new opportunity for me to be better than I was the day before and a new day to make life better for me and my kids. I’d love to say it gets easier, but each day is a challenge not to give up on myself because my kids, well, they’re always looking at me to take care of them.

Prayer to God

Dear God,

As I reflect on the day that your son, Jesus, rose from the dead, my heart is so heavy. My heart is heavy because I wonder why you would love me so much to let your son die for me. I sin so much and yet you love me unconditionally still. My life is a wreck, by my own doing and yet you love me still. I am angry and dysfunctional and you love me still. Why did Jesus have to die for a person such as myself? He endured the unthinkable so I could be free and I do not live my life in the freedom that he sacrificed for me. God, please do not misunderstand my prayer, I love Jesus and I thank you for him because he is the epitome of who and how I should be; I am unworthy of the gift that is his life. May my life be as sacrificial as his life that he gave up for me. May I go out into the world and proclaim your goodness and mercies. May my life be the reflection of compassion, grace and unconditional forgiveness as that of Jesus. May I too, be willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice, as Jesus did for others, no matter what my personal feelings may be. May it be all or nothing for you, that gave it all for me, Jesus my savior! Amen.

Stand for God

There is  a quote that reads, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” That’s powerful. How does this pertain to the church? If we do not stand for the principles God has laid out for us in the Bible, then we’ll fall for the principles of the world. The Bible says in 1 John 4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. God does not want us to believe in any of the corruption of the world. God says in Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. God gave us Jesus as an example Jesus always took a stand for the truth of God, no matter what anyone had to say, he stood firm & did not waver. When we are grounded in the principles of God, we too will not waver or be moved by what is going on around us, which does not line up with the truth of God. As John Wycliffe says “I believe that in the end the truth will conquer.” Jesus died for this truth, what an amazing example of what it means to stand for God. Are you willing to take that same risk? Do you stand for God?

Change

Change can be very difficult to deal with in life. Changing jobs, relationships, place to live,  whatever the change is, it can be hard. Fact, change is inevitable, if you avoid it, you are only making life more complicated for you. Change can make life uncomfortable, so people conform to their situation. The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting new results. In the Bible, Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. If we are in Christ, we cannot think the way we used to, act or speak the way we used to, we have to willing to change. We are a “new creation”, all old things are passed away, behold the new has come (2 Corinthians:17) Being a Christ follower means you must be willing to change who you were to who God has made you to be.

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” When  we are not willing to change, we cause ourselves pain but when we make a conscious decision to make an effort towards change and walk the path God has for us, there is freedom in change.

Battlefield of the Mind

Our mind is one of the most powerful things on our body. It has been said, we will not ever use our mind to the fullest of its capacity in our lifetime. In our mind there is life and death. There is a battle going on in your mind everyday. The battle varies from person to person and the battle can drain every ounce of energy in your body. The Bible says in  Ephesians 4:31-32, ESV “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”. God wants to set us free from the battle that goes on in our mind. When we surrender ourselves to God, the battle in our mind begins to decrease. God says in James 4:7: ” Submit yourselves therefore to God.” Let Go and Let God. Let go of fear, worry & doubt. Let go of burdens. Take your worries, cares and burdens to the Throne of God. Put all your burdens in His able hands, and leave them there. Find rest in the peace, love and presence of God, our loving and caring Father” The battle belongs to God, give it to Him that promises to give you peace, love and comfort.

No Regrets

Life is filled with so many disappointments and regrets. Could haves, should haves linger in our minds. We become angry, bitter, with ourselves, with those closest to us. Regrets are when we cannot let go of the could haves and should haves. We allow the disappointment to manifest inside of us and our outlook on life is negative. Regret is when we cannot forgive ourselves of the outcome of a decision or action. But God says in Philippians 3:13  “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and  straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” When we press on towards God, he is able to help us forget what was and remind us of what still is. God is able to bring freedom to our captivity, bring healing to our pain and bring joy, peace & love to our regrets. Do not walk another day in regret for God  sent his son Jesus to set us free from anything we would come up against. Do not let Jesus’ death be in vain, no longer carry a those heavy luggage’s of disappointment, regret for we are more than conqueror’s by the blood of  Jesus that was shed for us on Calvary. We are not a victim but a victor.  Never regret what God intentionally brought you through .

Patience

Many have heard the saying “Patience is a virtue”. But who needs patience when we live in a NOW society. We’re hungry, we go through a drive-thru, we need to make a call, we use our cell phones, we need to warm up food , we use our microwave, kids need to be entertained, we put them in front of the TV, a video game or Ipad,  we need info, we Google!  Our “now” society makes it difficult for us to have patience. We tend to not have patience for God either. We want God to be like our microwave and fulfill our needs instantly, but He does not work that way. You see in the Bible it reads in Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Ouch, there’s that word patiently, God is saying slow down and wait for him as He waits for us. In  Isaiah 30:18 – So the LORD must wait  for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.” Remember, God loves you and longs for a relationship with you and he will wait for you and asks that you wait for him. God may not be a NOW God, but He’s never been  late, He’s ultimately worth waiting for patiently. Amen!